yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
