You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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