you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
