I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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