When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
