were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
