I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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