I'll bet she douches with gravy.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
