She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
