I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
