ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
