Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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