I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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