I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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