he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
