I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
