That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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