took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
