I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
