I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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