I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
