Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
