She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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