I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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