All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
