he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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