I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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