My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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