Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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