I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
