Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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