dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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