And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
