I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
