That's intense
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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