Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
