I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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