Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
