My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
