It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
okay pat passed out under dana's car
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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