if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
