theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
