I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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