woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
