just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
