she was so not down for the gang bang
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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