So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
