umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
