Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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