Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
