Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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