i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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