i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
