Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
