I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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