Can i not drive my cunt home
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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