Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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