I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
