sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
