that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
