Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
