I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize