sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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