She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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