its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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