Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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