whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
