Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
