I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
