I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
