I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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