she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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