yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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