In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize