What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
