I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
